Indoor/Outdoor Games: January 31, 1 and 7 p.m. (from the Official Program Guide)

[Please note that we have updated the below as of 1.27.09, 11:48 a.m.]



1 p.m., Garfield Avenue & MLK Drive







7 p.m., InCUBATE Storefront, 2129 N. Rockwell





Please note that all awards ceremonies are BYOB.


Run Around The Block And We’ll Time You (Individual)

1. Gather at meeting location and await official judge’s start announcement.

2. Run around the nearest city block as indicated by our judges.

3. Run very hard and attempt to run faster than all the other runners.

4. One person will “win”, but it may not be the fastest runner. Sometimes life is like that.


Class Conscious Kickball (Team)

The rules for kickball are closely related to those of baseball, except that kickball involves a big rubber ball about the size of a basketball.

Kickball is played on a field with 4 bases arranged on the corners of a diamond-shaped “infield”. However, since the game is played mostly by grade school kids in low-budget districts, the “bases” are often reduced to “this patch of rocks”, “this smashed tin can”, or “this cool shaped stick”. If you are a more privileged player, you may get “yellow spraypainted bases on blacktop,” or “orange rubber throw-down bases.” 

Player positions are also similar to those of baseball. There is an “infield” and an “outfield.” The infield contains the positions that involve the bases, while the outfield is mainly designated to catching or retrieving the ball when it is kicked out of the infield. Actual playing positions vary depending on the number of kids that play. If there are only a few children playing, the positions are usually spread out, but if there are a good number of players, kids will position themselves wherever there is space (and no cooties).

Game play goes as follows: the ball rolled towards home plate, and the player which is up (kicking), tries to kick the ball. If it’s caught in the air, the kicker is out. A player is also out if the ball is thrown at them, and hits them while they are not touching a base. If a thrown ball misses them, they may only run to the next base, which is known on the kickball field as the “one base on an overthrow” rule. Also similar to baseball, if the ball is thrown to the first base man, and it is caught by the first base man while he/she/it is touching first base, the player running to first base is out. This is known as a “forced out” in that the runner was forced to run to that base. A “forced out” can occur on any base that a runner is forced to run to.

Once a team gets 3 outs, the teams switch sides. A team gets one point for having a runner make it all the way around the bases and back to home base.

The game is over when the school bell rings, the ball pops, or someone kick the ball into the street or onto the roof. At the end of the game, the team with the most points wins. However, if a team loses the ball by kicking it one the roof etc., that team automatically loses. Also, the kid that did it becomes instantly unpopular.

Class Conscious Kickball, a variation on traditional kickball created specifically for the 2009 Winter Unlympic Games, will begin with four teams, who will compete until one is victorious, a second is slightly less victorious, and a third is not very victorious at all, but at least played the game. Additionally, certain teams will be disadvantaged with players of a low socio-economic status, players who have few educational resources, and players who are astoundingly privileged in all areas but probably really annoying to be around.


The Spectator Sport (Individual)

Remember when your coach used to tell you, “this is not a spectator sport?” That’s because you were not playing this game. In this game, the best spectator wins the competition.


Fashion Competition (Individual)

1. Competitors shall not wear blindingly shiny materials.

2. Competitors shall not wear articles bearing offensive hues (dominant wavelengths*) at or near 160 according to the Official Unlympics Standard Hue Spectrum. 

3. Competitors shall not wear outfits fashioned from uncooked egg or salmonella-carrying meats.

4. Competitors shall (or just might) receive favorable notice for the following: bearing gifts of bric-a-brack, mystical dangly articles, feathers-a-plenty, fanny packs (and the dazzling props that they can house), cradling distractingly adorable animals, repurposed household items, chain-maille, wizard gear, blue bandannas pictorially suggesting a meaningful relationship between Michael Jackson and E.T.

*Dominant Wavelength (or sometimes equivalent wavelength) is a physical analog to the perceptual attribute hue. On a chromaticity diagram, a line is drawn from a white point through the coordinates of the color in question, until it intersects the spectral locus. The wavelength at which the line intersects the spectrum locus is identified as the color’s dominant wavelenth if the point is on the same side of the white point as the spectral locus, and as the color’s complementary wavelength if the point is on the opposite side.


Live Action Role Play Family Dinner (Individual, limit 8 players; 21+)

1. All competitors and spectators must bring a dish to pass. Your dish may or may not help contribute to your character’s development. If your character is self-absorbed, for example, you may wish to bring a tub of hummus from the grocery store and no accompanying pita. On the other hand, if your character is a chef, please bring a dish that highlights your abilities so that you can continue to brag about it throughout the meal. Individuals adopting the characters of alcoholics and drug abusers should plan on bringing sufficient substances to uphold the believability of their character. Spectators should plan on bringing any dish that appeals.

2. All competitors must adopt the character of a family member, fictional or actual, who is difficult, colorful, or otherwise engaging. This character will interact with the seven other players in an attempt to win during the duration of the Family Potluck Dinner.

3. Competitors in the Live Action Role Play Family Potluck Dinner will be judged, silently, by the audience. Points may or may not be awarded for belittling other character, martyrdom, flamboyance, or in concordance with a point-keeping system created by a LARP player. The judge’s personal baggage will surely also weigh in on judging, as it likely does in any and all regular sporting events.

4. As in all other sporting events, the skill of this game is in hindering the ability of your competitors to score points. Personal attacks on players will not be tolerated, but attacks on characters are expected. Please adhere to this rule carefully, as it will weigh strongly in judging.







The Indoor/Outdoor Games are sponsored by the Chicago Working Group on Extreme Inequality. “As fundraising and big-time urban planning is underway for the Chicago Olympics,” CWGEI organizer Kristen Cox says, “we see the private sector sideswiping their local philanthropy in order to support the Olympics at a critical time when non-profits need it most. People living in Washington Park, a lower income community of color on the mid-south side, will be subject to displacement due to the Olympic plans.” 

“The idea of a Chicago Olympics might be very popular over by Rush Street, but it’s hardly going over well in the south side’s Washington Park, where many of the actual events would be staged.,” writes the Reader’s Ben Joravsky. One of the city’s largest parks—and one of its busiest—it also houses the Washington Park Forum, an informal group of political debaters. No matter how temporary the Olympic facilities might be, this activity would be shut down for at least four years if the Chicago 2016 Committee has their way. “This all about moving people out, brother,” Louis Carter, a softball player., told Joravsky. “You know it and I know it—ain’t no sense beating around the bush.”

“Parks are one of our cities’ last remaining public goods that many Chicagoans enjoy as a commons, together,” Cox adds, “It would be a shame to eradicate this green space and displace a percentage of our city who would be left behind because of a quest for power and status.”


Also available at the Indoor/Outdoor Games is a walking guide to Exposition Park, the site of the 1932 and 1984 Olympic Games in Los Angeles, called Touring Olympia. A long-term campaign in collaboration with the Temporary Travel Office, Touring Olympia attempts to understand the ideological geography of the Olympic Movement. The tour of Exposition Park is set in the fictional near future 2030., following the collapse of the Olympic Games in Los Angeles in 2020, just as the city was set to house the Olympic Village for a third time, but was defeated by a global athlete walkout in the face of global economic and political depression. 


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